


Bowling for Feelings

by onlyhereforellick



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M, Post-Episode s16e22, mention of Gibbs, minor language, tag to s16e18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 06:04:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18772753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlyhereforellick/pseuds/onlyhereforellick
Summary: You can bet she didn’t bowl a gutter ball for the rest of the night.





	Bowling for Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Still new to this fic writing, so sorry if it flows weird! I really felt like Ellie needed that bowling after all she had to unpack this episode.

Yup, there she was. Just like he thought she would be. Hair pulled back, lips set in a determined line, eyes focused yet unfocused at the same time. Bowling shoes adorned her feet as she stood in front of lane 2 sizing up her pins.

He decided to hang back for a beat, observe. He had a feeling she needed to cool off, to think things over. What he wasn’t sure about though, did she want anyone else to be with her?

Watching her bowl three gutter balls in a row, the growing frustration clear across her face, he started towards her. She spun around after the fourth, now clearly pissed, and almost ran into him.

Startling, she looked up in surprise, “what-, when-, how did you know?”

“Come on, give me more credit B. I know you.”

“Well, then you should also know that I came here by myself. On purpose, Nick” adding, “you guys turned me down anyways.”

“Do you want to talk about it, Ellie?”

“Oh, so I’m Ellie again?”

With a fortifying breath Nick pulled her over to the seats at the top of the lane.

“Why are you here Nick?”

He could tell she was battling herself on the inside. While she claimed she wanted to be alone—likely attempting to ignore her brain and heart warring in her—her face gave her away, her eyes glistened just a touch more, her bottom lip pulled in, her cheeks flushed slightly and not from exertion. Yeah, he could tell. She was not okay after that Gibbs’ bombshell earlier.

He got it, it finally clicked for him earlier, watching from the outside. Ellie wasn’t like Gibbs, or himself for that matter. She didn’t think and act with her heart. On the job, she was all brain, all the time. And when her heart started to take over, she shut it down and out, fast. It all made sense to him now, but getting her to see it, that might take some time. To her, the world was black and white...unless she was painting. That was how she had to function, he didn’t think she would know what to do if she didn’t. So, while it still hurt, he finally understood why she asked him that fateful question a few weeks ago. She had to. She literally didn’t know how not to.

When he saw her shattered in utter disbelief that Gibbs, Gibbs—the man who she very obviously reveres as that of a father—acted illogical and instead out of emotion and feeling, he had two thoughts. First, of course: thank god. I’m not the only one. And second: shit. Ellie doesn’t get it.

“Why do you think I’m here?” Might as well use his interrogation tactics—answer a question with another question—first to see if he’s right.

She almost looked ready to put up a fight, then before his eyes, she quickly deflated, “I don’t even know what to think anymore.”

Before he could interject, she went on “I mean, Gibbs of all people. Gibbs the man with five thousand strict rules. Sure, he tends to maybe blur the lines a bit, but murder? No. It just, it doesn’t make sense.”

“Ellie—“ her eyes cut to him fast with a wary look, “it does make sense. He’s not you. We’re not you.”

“What the hell does that mean?” She started to look pissed again, which was better than dejected, he guessed.

“It means,” drawing the word out, “guys like us, we don’t always think with the logical side of our brain. Sometimes, our heart, our feelings, they take over. And we can’t stop them, we act out of emotion, not out of reason. We act because we feel, not because we rationalized. We act on a whim, not on a plan. We act before we think. And you, you don’t.”

“Oh great, so basically what you’re saying is I’m a heartless robot, who has no feelings and can only make decisions based on stone cold facts.” She started to stand to leave.

Grabbing her wrist, probably with a bit more force than necessary, and pulling her back down, he locked eyes with her and stated sternly, “you. are not. heartless. In fact, you may have the biggest heart of anyone I know. You, Ellie, have the pleasure of staying rational when the world is a murky place of emotions. You care deeply for the people you’re close to and those you aren’t, but still manage to stay level-headed when things get heated. You have a huge heart, but maybe even a bigger brain. And that is not, I repeat, is not a bad thing. It makes you, you.”

She looked at him with a mix of apprehension and disbelief. Tearing her eyes away from him, she looked down the lane. With a sigh and just barely audible, “well I wish I wasn’t.”

“I certainly don’t. Your brain, followed closely by your heart, is one of the things I-, enjoy, most about you.”

He almost said love, damn it why couldn’t he just say love. Once he came to terms with why she asked what she asked a little while back, he realized something. Maybe those talks with Jack actually weren’t all for not, after all. He realized why he got so offended by Ellie’s question. He wasnt offended, he was hurt, cut deep. And why? Because he freaking loved her. And he still wasn’t man enough to say it. What was holding him back at this point? He couldn’t answer that question; he didn’t know.

Breaking him from his musings, he caught the tail end of her ramblings, “—my brain, yeah, okay. My brain. Good for nothing brain, that is. All it gets me is a screwed up partnership and disappointment in my boss.”

“Hold up, screwed up partnership?”

She looked at him incredulously, “uh...yeah? You don’t think I’ve noticed you stepping back? You don’t think I’ve noticed the distance you’ve placed between us? You don’t call me Ellie anymore. You don’t offer to go out after a case anymore. You don’t talk to me unless you have to—and even then it’s forced, fake. Hell Nick, you actually use YOUR desk now. I screwed this partnership, friendship, whatever, up.”

“Are you done now?” Man if her glare wasn’t throwing daggers... “Ellie,” he emphasized her name as best he could, and was met with the inevitable eye roll, “I was hurt, yes. I reacted poorly, yes. I shut you out a bit—“

She scoffed and murmured, “a bit.” That eye roll was palpable.

“Yeah, I get it. I went about it poorly and tried to cover it up like everything was fine. I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair to you or me. I’m working on that, touchy-feeling stuff, I promise. But honestly, up until that confession from Gibbs, it hadn’t clicked yet.”

“What hadn’t clicked, Nick? That I was a heartless jerk to you? Because that clicked for me. I might not have gotten it in the moment. But my big brain figured it out eventually: I screwed up, I offended you, I ruined whatever it is we had between us—whatever feelings you had, and in return you went back to being a forced cordial partner. So I accepted it, I hated it, but I accepted it. I’ll never know how to make it up to you, how to show you I have faith in you, but I’ll work my ass off trying to show you I can be a better partner.”

He didn’t even get to start the speech he had at the tip of his tongue; he was stuck on ‘feelings.’ “Ellie Bishop, did you just say what I think you said?”

All he got back was a blank stare and a now slack jaw. Bringing his hand to his chest, feigning surprise, “did you just say you had feelings for me? I thought you were heartless?” That jaw opened and closed more than a couple times. And just as she was about to finally get a word out, he quickly bent forward and dropped a brief peck on her cheek. If he lingered a touch longer than appropriate in a bowling alley, who’s to say?

Pulling back with a smile, Nick saw she was still speechless, maybe even a little stunned. Her hand came to her flushed cheek. “Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with feelings,” he said with a hint of a smirk. “I wasn’t offended, I was hurt. And it took seeing your reaction to Gibbs committing murder to realize that. I was hurt because of how much I cared about your opinion of me—how much I care about you.”

Lips pursing together in the shape of an O, she still sat silent.

“Anything to add?”

Finally she stated quietly with a rueful smile, “wow, when I came here to bowl away my feelings, I never imagined this. These, are much better feelings, for sure.”

“I bet you that 20 bucks back I can beat you in 3,” pulling her hand to get back to her paused game, with the biggest smile on his face he’d had in a while.

Her face lighting up as she took his in “you’re on,” as they walked hand in hand to finish the game. You can bet she didn’t bowl a gutter ball for the rest of the night.


End file.
